


Never Stop Shining

by corazon_desnudo



Series: Never Stop [1]
Category: Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Ableist Language, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Panic Attacks, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:07:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24955027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corazon_desnudo/pseuds/corazon_desnudo
Summary: While hiding out in Arizona, Sean gets an offer to help him cross the border to Mexico.  But following up on that offer might force Sean to confront some ghosts from his past he'd rather leave behind.This story takes place between Episodes 4 and 5, and does not diverge from canon (for the most part).  It can be read as a standalone story, but its also the first of theNever Stopseries.  The sequel,Never Stop Fightingis complete and up on AO3.
Relationships: Sean Diaz/Finn McNamara
Series: Never Stop [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904053
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	1. The Pit Stop

**June 17th, 2017  
An unincorporated community in Arizona**

Sean didn’t mind that Karen’s bathroom lacked a full sized mirror. He was glad he didn’t have to look at himself every morning.

Still, he carefully angled the small hinged mirror standing on her counter up towards his face. He had to make sure he didn’t waste the eye lubricant. It wasn’t like he had money to spare on another bottle. What remained of his left eye still tingled, so he added a few more drops.

The itchiness finally started to fade. He didn’t know why crying irritated it so much. He was surprised the socket could still form tears. Too bad that was all it was good for now. 

Sean ran his finger over the pink scar where the lid had been sewn back together. With time, the skin tightened over the socket and the scar had faded. But Sean didn’t think it would ever completely go away. He wondered if he painted it red with bright green all around the eye socket for Halloween, would Daniel think it was cool or just gross? 

_Probably a bad idea, dude. Still too early for our Superwolf to laugh about it._

He pulled his patch back in place and raided the fridge. Karen and Daniel were over at Joan’s playing games. Sean knew he should go join, but all he wanted to do right now was be alone and let the letter he just received take him back to a better time.

He stood around the kitchen munching on nuts and the hard chocolate Karen liked so much. It was so dark and bitter he didn’t know why she liked it, but she had weird tastes. Like hot sauce on pancakes. Disgusting.

Sean opened the camper door and the window by her bed to let in the fresh evening air. A strong wind pushed its way in, and blew off the letter he’d set on the shelf above the bed. Sean hurried to pick it up. That’s when he noticed something he’d missed on the back side. 

There, scribbled in tiny letters at the bottom corner, was Finn’s delicate handwriting:

_spacepirate@protonmail.com  
Drop me a line if you can make a pit stop before MX. I have something that might help you guys get across._

Sean stared at the words in shock. All the emotions he’d thought he’d cried out came rushing back to the surface. 

He sank into the bed, holding the paper in his shaking hands. The idea that he could see Finn sooner, before he crossed the border, was so unexpected that he just kept staring at the words on the page, convinced he must be reading it wrong. He had resigned himself to the fact that if he ever saw Finn again, it would be months or years from now, when he was finished with his parole and Sean actually had a place for him to visit in Puerto Lobos.

Getting together now was beyond anything he’d hoped for. He had pushed Finn to the back of his mind in Nevada. But, once he’d gotten Daniel back, the first guy he kissed had never been far from his thoughts. When the letter came this morning along with Karen’s groceries, he had waited until he was alone to open it. He knew how hard it would be to read. 

_Fuck. It would be so good to see him. I miss his face so much._

Sean wished he knew why he couldn’t get past Finn. He still didn’t know why he’d said the things he did when he saw him in the hospital. Finn had admitted he loved him and Sean had split, unable to say it back. If he kept lingering, he would have been way too tempted to do something reckless like break open the window and bust Finn out. 

Finn brought out this wild, crazy side of him that had already caused too much carnage.

“Shit. I can’t…” 

Sean started crying again and set the letter down, anchoring it with his lighter so it wouldn’t blow away. He smothered his face in his pillow, trying to drown out the crazy voice telling him to go. They were safe from the cops here. It would be too risky to go anywhere.

“Sean? Just checking if you were still…” 

Sean looked up to see Karen standing at the open door looking as awkward as he felt around her most of the time. It was obvious she could tell he’d been crying. She opened and closed her mouth like she was chewing the air, until she finally spoke.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” Sean said. But for some irrational reason- maybe because she kept standing there, he pointed to the letter. He would never normally share something like that with her, but maybe because he’d read all her poetry this leveled the score somehow. Or maybe he just couldn’t keep it all to himself anymore. 

Karen picked up the letter and moved to the small couch, silently reading it. He turned away and stared out at the stupid fucking stars through the window, wishing they would just stop shining and leave him in darkness. 

He heard her moving near him and then the door to the camper closing quietly. Sean thought that was the end of it. After another session in front of the mirror, he made his way over to Joan’s.

Sean joined the group playing a game of checkers. Daniel loved to show off how he could keep the pieces hovering over the board in perfect alignment with the black and white squares below. They stayed up late that night listening to Joan talk about her days living on the coast making art and finding love with a group of hippies straight out of San Francisco. 

The next morning, when Daniel was outside making a game of watering the plants, Karen surprised him while while they were both in the camper. 

“I talked to Stan.” She started slowly as she scrambled eggs. “He could help you email your friend. He knows how to make it anonymous and safe. He uses something called a VPN. You can ask him exactly how it works.”

“No,” Sean said a little quicker that he would have liked. “It’s okay. I can’t leave Away. It’s too risky and we have to get ready for Mexico.” 

Sean went back to the drawing he was working on, hoping that was the end of it. But, then Karen turned the burner off and sat down a few feet away from him on the cramped couch. She placed her hand delicately on his knee. They were still…not very physical around each other, but Sean didn’t shrug her off. He stared at the pencil in his hand as she spoke.

“Sean, by now you should know how unpredictable life is. This might be the only chance you get to see him. And if he really can help you cross… do you not trust him?”

“What? No, I do.” Sean didn’t know why he felt so defensive. “He- he’s kind of a fuck up, but he has a big heart.” 

Karen nodded in the subdued way of most of her gestures. Like she didn’t want to overextend herself—or overplay her hand.

“If you decide to meet him, take my car and travel during the night. And it might make sense to leave Daniel here with me. That would reduce the chances of someone spotting you. They are looking for two boys.” 

Sean’s mind bristled at the idea. But he stopped himself from blurting out a blunt refusal that would hurt her feelings. She had done a lot for them recently. 

Instead, he went back to his sketch, filling in shadows and adding texture to the drawing of the junked-up pile of cars. All the stuff left abandoned here. Relics of the life people gave up when they settled for this one. Sean wondered if anyone in Away could truly be happy here long term. Everyone, even Joan who laughed so much, seemed to have wounds that cut too deep to really heal. 

Karen waited for him to finish before she spoke again.

“I know you don’t trust me, but I would never take him away from you. The bond you two have is special. I think it’s the only thing that’s kept him…stable after that cult.” Karen smiled out the window at his brother. “I’ve been wanting to spend some one on one time with Daniel. Like I did with you.” 

“You’re nothing like Lisbeth,” Sean admitted. Karen might have been selfish, but she wasn’t manipulative or a liar. He watched his little brother counting to himself as he methodically moved the hose over each of Karen’s planter boxes. Karen had taught him all the names of her plants. “Daniel has fun with you.” 

“Then, go write to Finn. See if it makes sense to meet him.”

A thousand objections flooded Sean’s mind, but all that came out was one word. 

“Okay.” 

Sean didn’t understand why, but since he saw that message on the back of the letter last night, he felt like there was a tide insistently tugging at him to respond. Like part of his soul was pulling him back towards Finn. Maybe Finn really could help him and it was fate or something for him to go. 

Or maybe he was just being selfish. Like he had been too many times already.

But if seeing Finn again could get whatever it was out of his system, then maybe it was the right thing to do. He needed to be able to focus one hundred percent on what was important. Mexico and safety for Daniel.

He put his sketchbook down and started to head to Stan and Art’s house.

“One more thing, Sean.” Karen said, waiting until he turned to look at her. “I hope you know it’s alright that you like him. You don’t have to meet anyone’s expectations for your life except your own.”

Something about her phrasing caused Sean’s mind to rush back to the dream he’d had of him and Dad taking a road trip. The one where he’d gotten the chance to tell him about Finn. 

_I’m fine with that. It’s just a bit...unexpected, you know?_

Those were just imaginary words he’d conjured up for the ghost of his father. But it was the way Dad would always talk. He would be completely honest about how he was feeling, never judgmental or condemning of his sons. Even if what Sean wanted wasn’t the path Dad imagined, he would have still supported him. He was always so fucking understanding, not like how Sean had been with Daniel. 

“Sean?” Karen asked quietly and Sean realized he was still frozen at the door. She had that look in her eyes—when he could tell she wanted to say more, ask more. But she waited for him. She didn’t push it.

“Yeah, Karen. I know.” Sean hurried out of her camper. 

Thankfully, Stanley didn’t probe. He set Sean up with a randomized account and left him alone to write, letting him know he’d notify Sean if the account got a response. Sean stared at the blank screen for the longest time before finally writing something. He had way too much he wanted to say and none of the words seemed really enough, so he settled for the bare minimum.

_Hey Finn_  
_Where and when can you meet?_  
_I miss your ass too._

Finn replied back the same day. He explained that he couldn’t leave California or go more than a few hundred miles from his house. Meeting at his brother’s place in San Diego was out of the question. So Sean had agreed to meet him at a remote campground in Joshua Tree National Park a few hours from San Diego. It would be far from prying eyes. Finn gave him a detailed explanation of how to get there and Sean could tell he was very familiar with the spot. 

Karen told him to take as long as he needed. They had just gone on a grocery run and she wouldn’t have to use the car for several days, but Sean wasn’t so sure about that. One night, maybe two, felt okay. Anything more than that would be too hard on Daniel.

\------------

The next evening, Sean loaded up the car with camping supplies and found Daniel messing around in the junk pile. 

“Daniel?” 

“No, don’t look!” 

His little brother pushed him away, quickly shoving a little box down underneath the broken window of an old Chevrolet.

“What’s the matter?” Sean laughed. “You keeping secrets from your big, bad brother now?”

“No.” Daniel tugged at him until Sean stopped feigning interest in whatever he had hidden away. “Stop calling yourself that. And it’s not a secret. But...I can’t tell you anything more about it until it’s ready. Mom’s going to help me with it, too. But, I thought you left already.”

“I wanted to check in with you one more time.” Sean knelt down, grabbing Daniel’s arms. “Are you sure you’re really okay staying here with Karen?”

“It’s fine, Sean.” 

Daniel twitched but Sean wouldn’t relax his grip. He had to be sure.

“I don’t want to go. But if he really has something that will help us get to Puerto Lobos, then it’s worth it. I’d bring you with me but it’s—”

“Safer not to travel together until we leave for Mexico. Less conspiratory. You already said that like a thousand times.”

“Less _conspicuous_. It means less likely to be noticed. That’s why I am driving at night. I will be back tomorrow night or the next night at the latest. I promise I won’t leave you here.”

Sean’s voice cracked and Daniel’s face softened. His little arms wrapped around Sean’s neck. 

“I believe you. I’m totally fine staying with Mom. Just—” Daniel paused, hugging Sean tighter.

“What, _enano_?” 

Daniel’s voice dropped close to a whisper.

“Just promise you’re not going to hurt Finn, okay? He didn’t know what would happen.”

“No way.” Sean pulled back and looked at Daniel, wondering where he had gotten that idea from. “I told you, we’re still friends. That’s why I’m going.”

“Cool.” Daniel slowly smiled, the way he did when he got a new idea. “Maybe...maybe he built a sailboat to take us to Mexico! Then we could take it up to Seattle and get Lyla and then pick up Captain Spirit in Beaver Creek. Chris could steer the ship! The five of us can fight bad pirates all the way to Puerto Lobos, steal their treasure, and use it to buy a big house for everyone to live in.”

Sean laughed and stood up. The sun had fallen behind the horizon. It was time to go. 

Karen sat outside smoking, her table spilling over with craft supplies for her and Daniel. They would have fun together. It was...easier for the little wolf, and Sean was happy for that.

“That would definitely be cool, dude. But, we’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story grew out my desire to understand how Sean copes with several traumas he experiences over the course of Life is Strange 2. It also stems from my need to understand how both Sean and Daniel can be happy after the ending of the game. After playing the final episodes, I had a lot of questions left unanswered and I needed to resolve those to go forward in my own life. This story, and the stories that will follow, are my attempt to provide those answers. 
> 
> I have grown to love Sean and Daniel as part of my family, and hope this story will touch those of you who also love the characters in LiS2 as much as I do. Sean and Daniel both deserve the best lives possible but the path to getting there isn’t always easy.
> 
> I want to give a big shout out to darkjaden825698 and AlariOdonell for being beta readers for this story. Their advice has improved the story tremendously.


	2. Ghosts in the Desert

**June 20th, 2017  
Joshua Tree National Park**

The five hour drive was difficult. 

Sean had forgotten how tiring it was to stay focused on the road since his injury. With only a sliver of a moon and few lights to guide him, he almost slipped off the shoulder twice. When his headlights finally flashed over the sign for Joshua Tree National Park, he exhaled, able to relax his sweaty palms that gripped the steering wheel too tightly. 

Instead of turning into the main entrance, which was gated at one in the morning, he turned off the highway and onto a dirt road marked by a sign for Lone Canyon Trail. The road ended a half mile later at the trailhead, and fortunately he saw no other cars parked there. Karen’s car wouldn’t be visible from the highway by day either. 

He killed the engine and slept until dawn. Once the sun rose, he spent two hours hiking to the spot Finn had described—by a funny looking boulder that looked like a farmer with a straw hat, it’s top flat and almost circular so that it cast a wide shadow all around it. 

There in the shade, Sean pitched his tent and drew, before the heat made him doze off again. When he woke up in the late afternoon, he half expected to see Finn there, maybe smoking a bowl or doing his wood work. Maybe even curled up next to him in the tent like he had in Sean’s hazy, half-lucid dream. 

But he wasn’t surprised when he unzipped the tent and saw no one. Finn had community service today until four and then had to drive out here and hike. He probably wouldn’t arrive until close to dark.

So, all that greeted him was the empty desert. It looked kind of haunted. The sad, strange trees were turning red under the low hanging sun. The stone slabs were grey and shapeless, like ghosts floating over the sand, looking for a home they’d never find.

_Those trees look so...deformed. Practically stunted._

He frowned, knowing he should try to appreciate the uniqueness of the Joshua trees. Karen had commented on their particular beauty when she found out where he was headed. But Sean preferred the familiar conifer forests in Washington and he missed the majesty of the giant redwoods. 

Something about these trees made him uncomfortable. Maybe how raw and exposed they looked. Damaged and vulnerable, like him and Daniel. 

He wondered if Finn really had something that would help them? Surely he didn’t have the money to pay to smuggle them across the border. His earnings had to have been confiscated by the police. What if this was all just a ruse to see him? As much as Sean missed Finn, that wouldn’t be a good enough reason to risk leaving Away. It felt stupid and selfish to waste time and money driving out here even if Karen had encouraged it.

Maybe it was a mistake coming here. 

What if the cops showed up in Away while he was gone and took Daniel? Sean would never forgive himself if he lost his brother twice. It had almost driven him crazy spending week after week in the hospital with no idea whether Daniel was alive or safe. Sean’s reckless behavior had caused him to lose his brother once- he couldn’t let that happen again.

Sean wiped his eye and tried to stop thinking like that. He didn’t want to look like a mess when Finn showed up.

To warm up and distract himself, Sean gathered together the kindling and branches he’d carried the five miles from Karen’s car. He carefully arranged them in the burnt out fire pit some other hiker had left behind. They’d agreed on a primitive, walk-in campsite so there would be no camp host to check in with and no groups of car campers who might recognize him from the news. 

It was frustrating to be an outlaw for no good reason. He hated having to hide from people and be suspicious of everyone he came across. He knew Agent Flores and probably half the cops in America were on the lookout for him and would recognize him on sight. He wondered what Lisbeth had told them. Probably that they had been the aggressors, and burned down her church on purpose. 

She certainly wouldn’t have mentioned the part about how her lap dog had threatened his life with a gun to his face and beat the living shit out of him. Or how she brainwashed Daniel and made him feel like he was a terrible person for what happened in Humboldt.

 _No_ , he reminded himself for the hundredth time, _the only one to blame for that is me. I agreed to put Daniel in danger. I was so fucking stupid and selfish._

Sean fished his dad’s lighter out from his hoodie and lit the bunched up newspaper, watching it start to slowly lick the dry branches. It was funny how easily something could be destroyed. The firewood had taken years to grow and now it would all be ash in a matter of hours. All it took was one spark to destroy it.

Kind of like his own life.

He brought his dad’s lighter up to his face, pulling a cigarette off his right ear and used the technique Joey had taught him to light it—by holding the cigarette out a bit further from his face than he was used to. Then, using the relative distance from the fire to gauge where the butt was, he moved the small flame to it until it caught.

“Gotcha.” Sean said, and drew in a long, deep breath. 

It was funny how something so simple had become a skill he was actually proud of now. His perspective about a lot of things really had changed. Like he’d told his Dad in that too-real dream, he was a completely different person now. His high school self would be shocked if he saw him in the mirror. In fact, he’d probably run away screaming. 

Sean took another drag and tucked the lighter safely back into the zipped pocket of his hoodie. The cigarette smoke mixed with the aroma of the burning pine, giving it a woodsy taste. Sean leaned back against the boulder and studied the other small rock formations nearby. They looked even more like ghosts in the night sky, grayish-white and floating between the trees, like they were waiting for the trees to let their guard down, and snatch the rest of their feeble life from them. The trees seemed too battered and broken to resist much longer. 

_You’re going crazy, dude. They’re just ugly trees._

Sean got up and ate some dried fruit from his pack, debating about opening the twist off bottle of wine Karen had given him. But he decided against it. That was just his nerves talking. He wanted—no, needed to be sober when he first laid his eyes on Finn. He had to make sure that whatever these feelings were inside of him, that they were real. Not something coming from loneliness amplified by alcohol. 

The fire grew hot, warming up his hands and making the ugly trees glow a sickly yellow. Sean took out his sketchbook and tried to make a go of drawing the trees like they were really flesh-rotting skeletons, complete with elongated limbs and stubby hands. But his eye was too tired. 

He sat for a little while longer, munching on protein bars until the fire started faltering. Where the hell was Finn? It was getting too late to follow the trail.

Still, Sean put the last two logs on, so Finn would see his campsite. He tried to distract himself by studying the stars with the book Karen had lent him. 

He knew the major constellations, and his own- Leo, the lion with its mane and galloping limbs. But Daniel’s, Aries, was out of sight. According to the book, it was hidden below the horizon this time of year, far away from Sean. Whatever romantic things Karen said about being under the same sky didn’t give him any comfort now.

After a while, frustrated at trying to read the small print on the book with his flashlight, he threw it back in his pack.

“Fuck this.” 

Sean kicked at the backpack containing the wine he’d stupidly imagined him and Finn sharing over Finn’s tales of the wild things he’d done since getting out of the hospital. What an idiot he had been to think Finn was really going to come. He’d seen Sean up close at the hospital. 

Who would want some one-eyed fugitive like him?

Finn must have sobered up, maybe talked to his brothers about the idiocy of helping him, and realized he wasn’t worth risking his parole on. It had been selfish to write him back, even if Finn had wanted to hear from him. He was putting Finn’s future at risk. 

_The same way he put yours and Daniel’s that night._

Sean pushed that thought out of his mind. There was no one to blame but himself. He’d already forgiven Finn to his face. And maybe Finn was still coming. A sudden, scary thought occurred to him. What if he had gotten lost and needed Sean’s help?

Sean turned his flashlight back on, and found the trail. He started down the way he’d come, shouting Finn’s name. But he stopped right where he was about to lose sight of his fire. 

It was too dark to see the trail without his flashlight and that was already dimming. The battery didn't have much juice left in it. If he tried to go all the way back to the park entrance, he’d for sure end up lost. If Finn was out there, he would have hunkered down for the night too. Finn had lived in the woods for months; he wasn’t stupid.

Sean waited another hour, maybe two, just gazing past the fire, and listening to the desert for any sounds that could be human. Finally, he gave up and opened the wine. He took a long swig and poured the rest of it out onto the fire. Steam sizzled over the embers, snuffing out their light- and Sean’s stupid fantasy.

He crawled into his sleeping bag, burrowing his face into the thick fabric. He tried to think about Mexico, his plans for where to cross and how he’d know what the right time would be. He thought about Daniel, and whether Karen was sleeping next to him in bed like Sean did.

But, his mind kept floating back towards that asshole. _How fucking stupid was I, to think…._

A ragged sob caught in his throat, and Sean buried his face harder into the sleeping bag, trying to dam the well of loneliness inside him. But, it just kept overflowing until the fabric was soaked through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story grew out my desire to understand how Sean copes with several traumas he experiences over the course of Life is Strange 2. It also stems from my need to understand how both Sean and Daniel can be happy after the ending of the game. After playing the final episodes, I had a lot of questions left unanswered and I needed to resolve those to go forward in my own life. This story, and the stories that will follow, are my attempt to provide those answers. 
> 
> I have grown to love Sean and Daniel as part of my family, and hope this story will touch those of you who also love the characters in LiS2 as much as I do. Sean and Daniel both deserve the best lives possible but the path to getting there isn’t always easy.
> 
> I want to give a big shout out to darkjaden825698 and AlariOdonell for being beta readers for this story. Their advice has improved the story tremendously.


	3. Breaking Point

“So who's the better dancer?” Hannah asked. “Cass or the little man?”

Hannah, Penny, Finn and Sean sat on blankets watching Cassidy teach Daniel how to dance to the Reggae blasting from the nearby stage. No one at this music festival was shy about dancing, but Cassidy was definitely one of the most enthusiastic.

“Daniel has some tricks up his sleeve,” Penny answered. “That girl better watch herself.”

Cassidy let Daniel spin her around, both of them laughing as they accidentally knocked into an older Rastafarian, who helped Cassidy back on her feet.

“I don’t know. Daniel’s looking tired.” Hannah sipped her beer, looking over at Sean. “I think your brother is developing a crush.”

“Oh.” Sean shrugged. “He was the same way with my best friend back in Seattle. He just likes girls who are nice to him. But, I’m glad him and Cass are getting along now.”

Daniel and Cassidy danced for another song, and then he came running over, slurping up water from Sean’s water bottle before sprawling out across the edge of the blanket. 

“Dude, that was—” Daniel sucked in air, “—so fun. But my feet hurt now.”

“Sean!” Cassidy called to him. “Take a break from your boyfriend and come dance with me. One last dance for good luck.”

“Hey now!” Finn said. “Leave him be. Sean’s still recovering.”

Finn’s arm wrapped around Sean protectively. Sean suddenly felt nervous. No one in their little group blinked, not even Daniel. Finn kissed him on the cheek, winking.

“Ain’t that right, sweetie?” 

“Umm, what does she mean by last dance?” Sean asked.

Finn smiled at him like he’d said something funny. 

“You know, we are getting smuggled across the border tomorrow. Gonna start our new lives in Mexico.”

“But, wait—I don’t have enough money. I haven’t been able to save.”

Finn exchanged a confused look with the rest of the family.

“Sean, you earned more than enough with all those months we worked at Merrill’s. We are set. We’ll even have enough to rent a nice place right on the beach. With enough space for the whole family.”

Sean looked at Finn and everyone else. They were all smiling or nodding along to the music like everything was fine. But, Sean couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t.

“Little Sean, I know you’re nervous about the crossing, but everything’s gonna work out. Hasn’t everything gone to plan so far?” Finn reached in for another kiss, but Sean pushed him off.

“No, it didn’t. It all went wrong. Finn, can’t you see—”

\------------

**June 21st, 2017  
Joshua Tree National Park**

“Finn!” Sean ripped the sleeping bag off him, his skin sweaty and sticky. “Fuck.”

He quickly got out of the tent to relieve his aching bladder. He’d had another one of those dreams—where everything was fine. They always fucking sucked. But having it now, out here, alone, after he’d been stood up. That made it hurt a hundred times worse.

He sat down by the ashes of the spent fire, staring out at the vast desert. Just like in Away, the mornings here in Joshua Tree were cool and quiet. _Too_ quiet for Sean’s liking.

He drank the last of his water and munched on fruit. To calm himself, he sketched the pair of blue lizards basking on the stone slab to his right. Next, he added a dragon above them, with his superwolf riding on top of it. Daniel was going to like that one. He was so much more interested in his drawings now, after…

Sean rubbed his good eye and wished he’d brought medication for his itchy socket. He took down the tent, packing slowly, just in case. As the sun started to heat the sky, he knew he couldn’t wait longer. 

This whole trip was a fucking waste of time. 

He wasn’t supposed to be driving during the day. He had initially thought they would spend all today together at this spot, before hiking out just before nightfall, but he wasn’t going to wait around here like an idiot. It hurt too much. He’d drive a little, find another stop to pull over and wait until nightfall. 

Sean carefully tied the tent and sleeping bag to straps on his backpack. It was a lot of weight, but at least he didn’t have to carry any wood back. He stirred the ashes to make sure there were no embers left. Satisfied he wasn’t missing anything, Sean started on the trail. 

The path was flat and wound languidly between the grey boulders and small groves of Joshua Trees and sagebrush. He saw a pair of blonde, European hikers ahead and almost thought they were Ingrid and Anders until they got close and realized they were too old. The couple gave him a friendly wave and continued on, returning to their animated conversation in Swedish or Norwegian, or whatever. 

He came across no one else the first hour. But, as he prepared to stop for a break under a group of trees he glimpsed movement to his right. A brightly colored snake darted out from between two bushes, making jerky, zigzag motions as it closed the distance between them.

“Whoa—”

Sean side stepped back and to his left off the trail. The snake slithered over the trail and right past him, busy with whatever mission it was on.

After taking a few deep breaths, Sean moved forward, but suddenly he felt a weird tension tugging on his pack, stalling his movement. He tried to turn to see what the pack had got caught on when he heard the loud crack. Something heavy jerked him and his pack sideways and down, making him crash to the ground. 

“What the hell?” Sean groaned, hearing a loud ripping sound as he awkwardly broke loose from his pack.

Rising to his knees, he could see what had happened. The end of a branch from one of those ugly trees had snagged on the rope that tied his camping gear to his pack. When he tried to turn, the tension must have snapped off the branch. Now, the rope was tangled around the branch and his gear was flung in every direction, some of it rolling past the tree. The main section of his pack was torn open by spiky leaves of the fallen limb. The contents of his pack surrounded him, laying all around the sand.

_Fuck. I’m such a fucking klutz now._

He must have missed the protruding branch because it was in the huge blindspot on his left side. The one that made him bump into door handles and the little shelves in Karen’s camper for the first week he lived there. Would he ever fucking learn to be more cautious with his movements? 

He untangled the rope from the broken branch and took inventory. Karen’s book, his maps, wallet, notebook, clothes—everything was accounted for. 

But he had a nagging feeling he was missing something. He went through all his items again before it clicked. His lighter— _dad’s_ lighter was missing. Sean searched everywhere for it—by the tree, on the trail, under the branch, and still he couldn’t find it.

Sean searched frantically. He took everything out of his backpack, but it wasn’t in there. 

_That’s the only thing of his I still have. But where could it have—_

“Sean? Sean!”

An unforgettable voice rang out ahead of him on the trail. Finn was coming towards him with a much lighter pack, walking faster as he crossed the flatland between them, although his right leg seemed to drag a bit.

Sean froze, his eye fixed on his strewn about crap and broken pack. This wasn’t how they were supposed to meet. Not like this.

“Sean! What happened?”

“Nothing.” 

Sean forced himself off the ground just in time for Finn to wrap his arms around him. Sean could feel Finn’s bony ribs through the thin, sweat-drenched shirt he wore. Finn’s grip was fierce and Sean didn’t try to resist it. They stayed like that for a long time, before Finn finally let him go. 

“Sweetie, I am _so_ glad I caught you.” Finn shrugged off his backpack, placing it on the ground delicately, like it hurt him to bend too much. “I tried to write… but I knew it was gonna be too late. My parole officer called me right when I was about to hit the road last night. I had to meet him this morning for another talk with the fucking pigs.”

“Oh.” Sean shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.” 

His words hung in the still air. Sean knew he should say more, but his tongue felt like sandpaper. Finn took a large green canteen with a pot leaf decal from his back. He drank his fill before offering it to Sean. 

“Thanks.” Sean hadn’t brought as much water as he should have. He took a small sip, trying to be polite and not drink too much. 

“They’re still searching for you.” Finn’s lips curled into a smile. “But those dumbasses don’t have a clue where you’re at. Jacob told me they questioned him too. All about that fire at his crazy church in Nevada. You are a damn _hero_ for saving Daniel.”

“No, I just did what I had to to get him away from that psycho cult leader. I’m the one who fucked up and put Daniel in danger. I mean, I didn’t have to go along with the plan.”

Finn looked like he’d been stung and Sean realized his words must have come out more bitter than he’d wanted. Sean cast his eye back towards the sand, scanning for the lighter and wishing this wasn’t so damn awkward.

“Hey, Sean.” Finn’s hand latched onto his arm. “No matter what you say, you will always be a hero to me—you know that? You’re a fucking phenomenal guy. You’re still standing after all the shit the universe threw at you. And everyday, I think about how I added to that shit. I wish I could take back what I did. You and Daniel deserve so much better.” 

“What are you talking about? I already told you I don’t blame you for what happened. It was...” Sean forced the words out. “You were trying to help us. And it could have worked any other night. It doesn’t matter. It’s all in the past now.” 

Sean tried to keep his voice steady, but he couldn’t quite look Finn in the eye. Finn withdrew his hand and motioned towards two large boulders pressed together a little off the trail. 

“This heat is murder. How about we chill over there? If I remember right, there’s a nice shady spot on the other side. Talk all this out between us.” 

“No.” Sean’s voice broke. “I mean, I have to find my lighter. The one my Dad gave me with Puerto Lobos on it. It’s—it’s somewhere around here.” 

Sean moved away and started searching around the trees and trail again, feeling Finn’s eyes on him.

“What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Sean huffed, kicking sand off something shiny and bronze-colored that turned out to be a rusted watch.

“Just me being an idiot and getting in a fight with that branch.”

“Don’t say shit like that about yourself. We’ll find it. Have you double checked your pack? Can I take a look?”

“I guess.”

Sean made a noncommittal gesture, but it was enough for Finn. He bent down and started carefully taking stuff out of Sean’s pack. Sean wiped sweat from his brow, where it started to pool at the edge of his eye patch, making it stick to his skin. He felt weak and tired under the bright sun and too distracted by Finn being here to search properly. Yet he couldn’t stop pacing, feeling like the search for the lighter was the only thing keeping him grounded. He kicked at pebbles and leaves, brushing his fingers over anything that stood out. 

He wished he could figure out what to say to Finn, what words to use to make things magically right. How to get over the feeling like everything was wrong. This was nothing like how he’d imagined their reunion on his drive out here.

“Hey Sean.” Finn lifted the lighter up as he held Sean’s hoodie in his lap. “Jackpot! It was safe and sound in your zip pocket.”

“Thanks.” Sean said, his tongue was dry and his words stuck in his throat. He’d forgotten that he slipped it in there after smoking last night. “I can’t believe I didn’t check it.”

“Don’t sweat it. Everyone needs an extra pair of eyes now and ah—” Finn’s words stopped abruptly. 

Sean recognized the guilty look on Finn's face. It was the same one he had seen when he woke Finn up at the hospital window. Sean had felt sorry for him then, locked in that room and basically chained to the bed. But, now the guilt in Finn's eyes just irritated Sean. Was Sean's missing eye all that Finn saw when he looked at him?

Sean tried to think of something witty to say to lighten the mood. Failing, he quickly took the lighter and his pack and busied himself by roughly throwing his belongings back in his broken pack. The zipper was practically useless with the rip just a few inches underneath it. But still he tightened it as much as it would go.

“Sorry… umm, sweetie. I didn’t mean—” 

“No, you’re completely right. I am half-fucking blind and miss shit and run into shit all the time.” Sean laughed but Finn’s expression didn’t change. “Though that’s so obvious you don’t need to remind me.” 

“I was just trying to help you.” Finn threw up his hands. “The best I know how.” 

“But that’s not necessary. I’m not your charity case, Finn.” Sean snapped, hating how angry he sounded. But he couldn’t stop himself. “I didn’t _ask_ for your help.” 

Sean lifted his pack in his arms, trying to balance everything in front of him. The top kept trying to fold over on itself, making the sleeping bag and tent drag on the ground. He scanned around the ground one more time. Did he have everything? Karen would be pissed if he lost her equipment. Was he forgetting something else? 

“Yeah, that’s true. You don’t need me and you’ve damn well proven that.” Finn stood, his voice extra quiet. “But, your pack has got a hell of a rip in it, and I think I can patch it. Can we just get out of this heat and-”

“No. I have to go. Thanks for the offer, but I don’t actually have time. I have to get back to Away. Daniel is waiting for me and I can’t stay.”

“Sean...” Finn started.

But, Sean was already on the trail, walking fast. He thought he had everything now. But it was difficult to think. It felt like his heart was beating a thousand miles a minute. He sucked in hot air, feeling light headed. He was suddenly worried he was going to pass out from the heat or dehydration or he didn’t know what. But, he had to keep going. 

He knew he looked ridiculous juggling all of his shit in his hands, but he couldn’t stay. He had to—

“Hold up, Sean! I can’t keep up with you!” 

Sean continued faster, his heart beating a thousand times a second. He feared he was going to have a panic attack if he didn’t keep moving.

“You asshole! _Please_.” Finn called out to him.

The sharp pain in Finn’s voice was like a knife cutting through his frantic thoughts. Sean hesitated, stopping to try to steady his racing mind. He had to go. But he also had to check on Finn. Cautiously, like his feet were on a tightrope, he turned back. Finn was clutching his hip, his face tight and pale. 

“I can’t live with myself if you don’t let me help you. It rips me up inside every damn day. You don’t know how much. I swear Sean, don’t go like this.”

“No… I—” Sean started, but he couldn’t finish the sentence. He felt like he was in fight or flight mode. Like if he didn’t turn his back on Finn and get as far away as possible then something terrible would happen. He tried to block out the other part of him that was telling him to listen to Finn, that wanted to stay.

But as he began to take a step, his whole body started to shake. His pack dropped from his hands and he looked Finn in the eyes.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know...I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.”

He was frozen there, suspended in air until Finn reached him. As soon as Finn touched his shoulder, Sean turned and buried his face into his chest. He gasped for air, hugging Finn as tightly as he could. Like a thunder cloud bursting, he wept uncontrollably.

“I’m sorry,” Sean repeated.

“Hush. I’m here.” 

Finn held him like that, in the middle of the trail, for what felt like an eternity. Sean cried until his voice went hoarse, collapsing into Finn. He wasn’t aware of anything but the smell of Finn’s body pressed against his own. They melted together under the blazing sun, like two trees, one leaning on the other for support, its roots uplifted by too many storms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story grew out my desire to understand how Sean copes with several traumas he experiences over the course of Life is Strange 2. It also stems from my need to understand how both Sean and Daniel can be happy after the ending of the game. After playing the final episodes, I had a lot of questions left unanswered and I needed to resolve those to go forward in my own life. This story, and the stories that will follow, are my attempt to provide those answers. 
> 
> I have grown to love Sean and Daniel as part of my family, and hope this story will touch those of you who also love the characters in LiS2 as much as I do. Sean and Daniel both deserve the best lives possible but the path to getting there isn’t always easy.
> 
> I want to give a big shout out to darkjaden825698 and AlariOdonell for being beta readers for this story. Their advice has improved the story tremendously.


	4. The Scars We Carry

**June 21st, 2017**  
**Joshua Tree National Park**

  
  


“Drink.”

Sean sipped, then gulped down the cold water, feeling much calmer, but strangely hollow. He had only been vaguely conscious of Finn guiding him off the trail and gently settling him down in the enclave between the two boulders. 

The spot Finn selected was secluded and faced away from the trail, towards a flat wasteland with a distant ridge on the horizon. There, a solitary Joshua tree stood—a sentinel watching over the desert. Sean wondered if it had always been alone, or if it once had the company of other trees that didn’t survive in this harsh place. Now it was the lone survivor, stubbornly clinging on past its expiration date.

Their gear was set up against the rocks. Finn sat slightly apart off to his right, a sewing kit and Sean’s pack between his knees. 

“I’d offer you a bowl, but I have to pee in a cup every other week—with some grumpy-ass nurse watching me the whole time.” 

“Jeez…that sucks,” Sean said. He couldn’t imagine Finn going more than a day without smoking. Time really changes things. 

“I’m gonna work on sewing this back together. We don’t have to talk now, sweetheart. Take a nap and rest and shit. I’ll cook up some ramen when it cools down. I brought your favorite flavor.”

Sean couldn’t help but smile. They had eaten so much shrimp ramen back in Humboldt, cause that was the one always on sale at the 99 cent store in the closest town nearby. Finn would mix in hot sauce, dried mushrooms, and some weird vegetable protein called TVP. He was a surprisingly good cook with the limited ingredients the camp had around.

The rocks above them formed a narrow, shaded retreat even in the early afternoon sun. Sean rested against a flat section that felt cool on his skin. Part of him was tempted to close his eye and drift off and just let the sound of Finn’s humming distract him from the empty feeling inside him. 

But there was still something he was holding on to. Those nagging thoughts that Sean knew he couldn’t move past without sharing with Finn. It would definitely hurt him, but now was the time to talk, if there ever was one. He had already had a breakdown in front of him and it was obvious everything wasn’t okay.

“Finn, can you just...listen? Can you let me try to explain everything before you respond?”

Finn’s hands stopped their work and his long fingers gently covered Sean’s hand as he scooted closer. He squeezed it once and let go, leaving his hand just close enough that Sean knew he could take it back if he wanted.

“It’s fucked up, I know. I mean, I thought I meant what I said in the hospital. That… that I don’t blame you for what happened. Back there I only blamed myself and I was determined to make things right. And from the moment I found out where Daniel was until we escaped Haven Point, I was focused on one thing. Finding my brother and making sure he was safe. I was so worried about him being lost and alone.”

Sean rubbed his hands over his knees. He had to choose the right words and not let himself get distracted. He wanted a cigarette but that would have to wait.

“But then, once we got to Karen’s and we were safe from Lisbeth and the cops and everyone trying to hurt us... I don’t know. It’s so quiet and peaceful there, and these past weeks I had a lot of time to myself to think. And my mind kept going back to everything that happened since Dad died.”

He looked over at Finn, taking his hand. 

“And I keep going back to that month we had together in the woods. I said it before, but it really was the best time of my life. With Cass and you and the rest—all the things you taught me and that we did together. It was like a fucking paradise, besides the work. But even that wasn’t so bad.”

Sean looked away. This was the hard part. 

“But, what I am trying to say is that sometimes, I get so upset and angry because it all went to hell so fast. I’m pissed that we couldn’t have had longer together. That I got put in the hospital and lost Daniel and that he got hurt. That I have to be extra careful walking and driving and had to re-learn how to do basic stuff like lighting a cigarette cause I have shitty depth perception. I hate that my eye hurts every time I take my pencils out and start to draw and my art is only half as good as it was before. I hate that some people will always look at me like a freak.”

“Sean—”

“No, let me finish. So, the fucked up part is I start thinking about how much I lost and then I get so mad at you for suggesting we rob Merrill. For planting that idea in my brain and making me feel like we could get away with it. And, Finn, what’s worse...” Sean pulled his hand free and wrapped both of them around his waist, hugging himself and staring at the grey sand. “Sometimes I even get mad at Daniel for breaking into Merrill’s office and getting us fired in the first place. Can you believe that? What’s wrong with me?”

He glanced at Finn but his face was unreadable.

“Daniel already feels so bad about what happened and I told him it doesn’t matter. We are together now and that’s the only important thing! But, I don’t know why I can’t get these feelings out of my head. It’s so wrong. It’s fucking petty and stupid, I know. I don’t have any right to be angry. I was a terrible brother.”

They sat in silence for a long moment. Then he felt Finn’s hand on him, and Sean fought the urge to shrug it off as Finn massaged his hair. Finn’s hands were calming, and it was so nice to feel his touch again—even if Sean didn’t deserve it. 

“It’s not wrong, Sean.” Finn gently nudged Sean’s head up so Sean could see the tears streaming over Finn’s cheeks. “It’s natural. You lost a part of yourself. Even though I know that you came out stronger—shit, so many people in your place would have given up. You can’t just wish away that pain. You gotta let it flow through you like a river going on its course. If you try to dam it all up, you’ll break in half. You see this?”

Finn pulled back his dreads from the left side of his neck. There was a long scar that ran right from his ear to the back of his neck. 

“Fuck, what happened?” Sean couldn’t believe how lengthy it was. His messy hair had hidden it so well.

“It’s a memento from my days in juvie.” Finn laughed. “I was such a little punk, mouthing off to everyone who looked at me the wrong way, and it cost me. I ended up picking a fight with a two hundred pound meathead. That asshole damn near killed me. I punched him for calling me a worthless piece of shit redneck. After I landed the punch, the asshole picked me up by the neck, and pulled out a shiv he had hid in his pants. Next thing I knew, I was laying in a pile of my own blood. It was a random guy working in the kitchen who saved me by balling up his shirt against my neck to keep the blood from gushing too fast. Don’t remember anything else except waking up in the infirmary with the worst headache I ever had in my life.”

“God, Finn. I’m so glad you are okay.” Sean didn’t realize how tough juvie had been for Finn. Is that how it would have been like for Sean too, if he hadn’t escaped the hospital? Or what it  _ will _ be like if he and Daniel get caught before making it to Mexico?

“See that’s the thing.” Finn grabbed his wrist, and pinned it between his hand and leg, like he was using it to anchor himself. “I  _ wasn’t _ okay. I punched that guy because what he said sounded just like how my daddy used to talk to me. I had been holding in all that rage at him, and it almost cost me my life. I was put in isolation for five days, and it was then I knew I had to let out my anger. So, I spent that time in solitary just talking to the air, getting everything I felt about him out like he was in the room with me. I went into detail about all the ways he was a shit for a parent. Hell, I even talked about how much I used to love him when I was little, before I knew who he really was.” 

Finn's mouth tightened, his eyes off on the horizon, like he was seeing a ghost too. 

“He betrayed me—all his sons. And that hurt like a bitch. But, saying those words, it helped me make my peace with it. I even wrote all this shit out in a letter and sent it to him. He never responded, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t a thing weighing me down anymore. Just lesson for the future.” 

“Yeah,” Sean said. “I think I get that.”

“So Sean, my point is that I’m so glad you’re telling me this. You had every right to be angry at me after the bullshit my plan put us all through.” Finn held up his free hand before Sean could start to rebut him. “You know it’s the truth. Don’t try and deny it again. You don’t need to be the hero around me, like you are with Daniel.”

“Huh, well.” Sean tried to find an argument to that, but it kinda made sense. “You think denying how I felt—you think that’s why I freaked out back there? I felt torn in completely different directions.”

Finn nodded. “You have to stop trying to make everyone else happy by holding all this inside you. Because ain’t nobody going to be happy then. Your words were so sweet in the hospital. But half of me wished you had cussed me out instead.”

“Because you could see I was still angry,” Sean said softly, his mind flashing back to that moment. He been so fucking blindsided, to see Finn all the sudden in that window. The guy he’d kissed and the guy who he had trusted with all his heart.

“Yep.” Finn drew out his words. “I knew you were upset and yet there you were, still trying to be the strong one for me. It made me feel even more guilty that you were carrying all that on yourself. And you think Daniel hasn’t picked up on what’s really going on under the hood?”

“No, he’s—” Sean remembered what Daniel had said about him hurting Finn. “He’s kinda worried about me. He actually thought I might harm you, but I never say anything bad about you.”

“Sean, sweetie.” Finn smiled. “I was half-expecting you to hit me back on that trail, you were shaking so much. Kids are perceptive, especially our little superhero. He’s picked up on that undercurrent, and it probably scares him. He knows you’re raging against the world and against yourself. And he doesn’t want the one person he looks up to to put some much hate on himself.”

“On myself?” Sean shook his head. “I don’t understand.”

“That’s how you are, Sean. I think I’ve known you long enough now to tell that you have a bad habit of blaming yourself for everything. And you gotta let that go. You did the very best you could given the shitty hand you got dealt since Seattle. And because of that Daniel still looks up at you with stars in his eyes. You  _ saved _ him, Sean. You fucking escaped from a hospital and crossed the desert for him. You’ve more than made up for any blame you think you should carry for what happened.”

“I mean, I guess,” Sean admitted. “I tried my best to make things right.”

Finn nodded.

“You did more than try. Jacob said their goons might have killed you. You fought for Daniel, tooth and nail. So, you have to let go of the idea that you are selfish or a horrible brother cause I’ve known some  _ real _ selfish people and you don’t hold a candle to them.”

Finn’s thin nose wrinkled the way it always did when he was pissed. 

“You think my daddy would have rescued me if I was in trouble? Fuck no. And those so-called Christians who tried to turn Daniel away from you to use for their money making scheme? They didn’t care about Daniel at all. Their congregation should have been worshipping you. You’re such a goddamn saint. You can’t keep tearing yourself down like this, you hear me, Sean?”

Sean swallowed hard, tasting salt from his own tears. There was something tight like a rubber band tied around his heart that began to loosen. A stubborn idea that had gotten stuck in his mind and he couldn’t let go of, that snapped free when Finn smiled and brushed his hair back, caressing his face for just a moment. 

“Okay, I’ll—I guess I’ll try not to be so critical of myself. I didn’t realize it was that obvious.” Sean leaned his head against Finn’s shoulder. He looked over at the lone tree in the distance, feeling a weird communion with it. He had put up walls around his feelings, leaving him alone like the tree out on the vast desert. He had gotten used to bottling it up, trying to be strong for Daniel. He had felt like he didn’t deserve anyone’s support. But he wasn’t alone anymore, and he needed to let those close to him in, for their sake as much as his. 

“Daniel must have forgiven me.” Sean smiled. “He still wants to go with me to Mexico.”

“That’s right, sweetheart.” 

They sat for a bit in silence as Sean watched Finn carefully stitch a patch of this strange tornado over the rip in his pack. Finn explained it was a popular design in Oregon, with some artsy kids he’d met hitching the rails. The tornado patch was long, grey, and the perfect shape to fit over the ripped fabric. 

Finn was so good with his hands. 

Sean had spent hours at the camp just watching him do his wood work. He used his need to draw as a mental excuse to observe Finn because he loved watching the pack leader when his hands were at work, like they were now, fixing what Sean had broke. When Finn was focused on something, his eyes got this glint of passion that reminded Sean of the feeling he had when he was working on a really good drawing.

When Finn finished, he sat the pack in Sean’s lap, his arm brushing Sean’s thigh for just a moment. 

“Now, it's like new. And with that patch it’s almost as sexy as you,” Finn added, like it was an afterthought. But the air between them heated up instantly. 

“This is awesome.” Sean traced his fingers over the patch, wishing Finn’s words were true. “If only everything in my life was as easy to fix. I mean, if I had your skills.” 

“If I could give anything to restore your full sight, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But, I want you to realize that how you are now, you’re still  _ so _ sexy to me. That eye patch is sexier than—”

“It’s just a cover up, Finn.” Sean didn’t want to throw away Finn’s nice words. But he liked Finn too much. If anyone needed to know the reality, it was him. Sean slowly pushed the patch up into his hair.  “ _ This _ is the real me. Can you look me in the face and tell me it doesn’t gross you out? There’s scar tissue where my eye is supposed to be. You can’t really think that’s sexy.”

Finn didn’t blink. He wiped at the tears starting to form in his eyes. Then he brought his hand around the back of Sean’s head and bent forward.

“What are you—“

Finn pressed his lips to his forehead, and then moved down, kissing his left eyebrow and then, just as methodically, all the skin over his lost eye.

“Sean.” Finn kissed him one more time before pulling back. He looked at him like Sean held the secret to life. “I find every single inch of you beautiful. You are the most handsome boy—man I have ever laid eyes on. I always will think that, no matter how your looks might change.”

Finn pressed two fingers over his heart, the way he did that night that felt like an eternity ago.

“Because what’s on the outside is just a reflection of the beauty inside you. That won’t ever stop shining. Now you may not want to be with me, but I promise you’ll find someone who will love you just as much as I do. You are one of a kind, Sean Diaz.”

Sean searched Finn’s face, but he couldn’t find any hint that he was exaggerating or saying it out of pity. Finn was looking at him the same way he had when they sat on that log together, sharing beers. It made Sean the happiest he’d been since he’d gotten Daniel back. 

“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t want anyone else. I want to be with you. That’s been true since the moment we kissed and it hasn’t changed. Even when I am angry at you, I miss you so much. You fucking asshole, you stole my heart.”

“Well.” Finn tried to sound playful even though the hand he placed on Sean’s arm trembled. “You know you can have mine anytime you want it.”

Sean pulled Finn over on top of him, so that Finn was pressing him against the smooth rock. Finn started to make another joke, but Sean wouldn’t let him. Instead, he pulled him closer, grabbing his neck under his messy dreads and kissing him hard and fast on the lips. They melted together against the rock, Finn’s hands wrapping around Sean’s shoulders. They kissed for what felt like days, as if they were making up for all those lost nights apart. 

But after a while, Sean pushed Finn back upright and ran his hands down Finn’s chest, and lifted the bottom of his shirt. Finn’s eyes widened.

“Sean?”

“I don’t know how everything will turn out. But I know we have to leave for Mexico soon, and I don’t want to miss this chance.”

“Sweetie.” Finn’s voice was a mix of surprise and hesitation. “Are you sure—”

“I want to be with you, how two guys can be together. I’m a virgin so… so you’ll have to kinda show me. But I want this.” Sean ran his hands up under Finn’s shirt, every inch of his torso a lost treasure he’d waited so long to reclaim. “If... if you want to.”

“More than you know.” 

“I think I do this time.” Sean looked down at the bulge in Finn’s pants. “I still have a condom in that pack. I am glad I saved it for this.”

Finn grinned, squeezing Sean’s thigh hard just under his shorts as he slipped off him. Sean could barely wait for Finn to touch him again.

Sean pulled off his own shirt as Finn slipped off his pants. Standing only in his boxers, Sean couldn’t help but admire how perfect Finn was. He was so lucky a guy as amazing as Finn actually liked him. Even with his fuck-ups, Finn was kind and passionate and Sean needed someone like that to steady himself.

Finn turned, having fished the condom out of his pack. Then he pulled down his boxers and stepped out of them, having a little difficulty bending his right leg. Sean had seen him naked briefly at the camp shower. But this was different. Sean felt like he could let his eyes linger. 

But then he saw the long scars running over Finn’s hip, and two large, round bumps right above his knee. The incision marks were red and raised. Sean wondered what kind of surgery Finn had gone through. Finn shook his head when he saw the concern on Sean’s face.

“Awww, don’t worry. It doesn’t hurt unless I try to run or do some other shit I’m not supposed to. I got a metal rod in there stronger than my bone was. I’m practically the bionic man now. Better, stronger, faster.” 

Finn flexed, raising his arms up and squaring his jaw like a bodybuilder. 

“Yeah, sure you are,” Sean said. Finn shot him a mock hurt look, so Sean quickly added, “but you look perfect to me.”

Sean’s compliment seemed to make Finn conscious of his nudity and the effect it was having on Sean. He shook his head the way he did when he was at a loss for a comeback, his cheeks flushing with color. Sean looked down at the sand, giving Finn the space to ease down beside him.

“I guess we both have some scars to carry with us.” Sean felt bad he hadn’t even asked Finn about his leg. He’d been so caught up in his own self-pity. 

“And what did I tell you about scars?”

Sean laughed in spite of himself. Finn’s hand found its way into Sean’s hair. Sean relaxed, letting Finn’s fingers massage his head. He stole a quick glance over at Finn, knowing he was blushing just as much.

“How can—how exactly do we do this? I don’t want to hurt you,” Sean said.

“You should know by now you never can. You only make my life better. We’ll just need to go easy on this leg til I’m powered back up.” 

“Okay.” Sean pivoted towards him, delicately placing his hand over Finn’s, which still held the condom. “But… what do you prefer…”

“You tell me how you want it. If you insist, I can suggest some things. But, we will stop full out if you feel uncomfortable at all. You hear me? I would  _ love _ to make love to you, Sean. But, just being with you right here, right now—that’s more than enough.”

Sean agreed with that. But he stole the condom out of Finn’s hand and ripped it open anyway. Karen was right. Life was too unpredictable to let an opportunity like this slip by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story grew out my desire to understand how Sean copes with several traumas he experiences over the course of Life is Strange 2. It also stems from my need to understand how both Sean and Daniel can be happy after the ending of the game. After playing the final episodes, I had a lot of questions left unanswered and I needed to resolve those to go forward in my own life. This story, and the stories that will follow, are my attempt to provide those answers.
> 
> I have grown to love Sean and Daniel as part of my family, and hope this story will touch those of you who also love the characters in LiS2 as much as I do. Sean and Daniel both deserve the best lives possible but the path to getting there isn’t always easy.
> 
> I want to give a big shout out to darkjaden825698 and AlariOdonell for being beta readers for this story. Their advice has improved the story tremendously.


	5. Stars Above Us

**June 21** ** st ** **, 2017**  
**Joshua Tree National Park**

Finn’s breath on his neck was an anchor, steadying Sean’s mind as he slowly woke. 

Sean stayed still, letting himself sink into the rhythm of Finn’s chest rising and falling against him.They lay together, curled up spooning on their side in Sean’s sleeping bag, not bothering with a tent.Finn held him with one hand wrapped around Sean’s waist, his grip firm even in his sleep, like he was afraid of losing him. 

But, Sean didn’t want to go anywhere.Everything felt perfect. 

It was strange, but he hadn’t realized that sex could be so…intense.So much better than the cheesy jokes his classmates used to make about it, or the sleazy videos he’d watched once or twice late at night that he ended up turning off because the people in them looked so dispassionate and fake.With Finn, it was the opposite.He hadn’t wanted it to end.And he knew he’d hold on to those moments—those memories, for the rest of his life.Keep a firm grip on them the same way Finn was gripping him.

Sean settled himself more fully against Finn as he watched the sun dip below the lone Joshua Tree, turning it branches amber-colored.As the sky faded to violet, he was greeted with the first star of the night, shining just above the tree. 

In this light, it didn’t look so deformed and lonely.In fact, it looked stronger, almost powerful as it shimmered, like a force field was wrapped around its whole form, protecting and buffering it from the wind and heat and cold nights.Like it could endure there, forever, as long as it had the star’s light supporting it.

“ _Cuando el sol se ha ido ya_ ,” Sean recited the words of the song to himself.“ _Cuando nada brilla más, tú nos muestra tu brillar.Brillas, brillas, sin parar.Estrellita_ …”

“You have such a gorgeous voice to wake up to,”Finn murmured, rubbing his nose on the back of Sean’s neck right at his hairline.

Sean thought Finn’s deep voice was a lot nicer than his own, but he couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh.Sorry.I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

Finn yawned, then nuzzled his head back into place against Sean’s neck. 

“What was that you were singing?Sounds like those long _ranchera_ ballads some guys in our crew listen to on the way to pick up shit off the freeway.Real sad and lonely.”

“No.”Sean was surprised Finn even knew the word ranchera.Maybe he was picking up some Mexican culture being so close to the border in San Diego.“It’s just a children’s song.Pretty sure there is an English version, too.After Karen left, I went through a phase where I was worried Dad was going to leave too.I thought I had done something really bad to deserve my Mom leaving.I wouldn’t want to go to bed cause I was worried I’d wake up and he’d be gone.”

“Oh sweetheart.”Finn kissed him on the shoulder.

“So Dad would sing that to me and Daniel.Even though I was a little old for it, it was comforting.It’s about a star that never stops shining, even when everything else goes dark.He would sing that to us when I started crying at night, and tell us we were like his little stars that brightened up his life.He would always say that he needed us too much to ever leave.” 

Sean pivoted, so he could look back at Finn.

“And he didn’t.He kept his promise.I think that’s why I sang it when these racist assholes wanted to beat me up.Instead of fighting them, I sang a fucking song for them, for their entertainment.”Sean was surprised by how much that brief encounter still bothered him. “But, I didn’t sing because I was afraid.It was because I needed to stay alive for Daniel.And that song reminded me of what I had to live for.Just like Dad, Daniel’s the only thing that mattered.What kept me going when I was in that fucking hospital was knowing I needed to get better so I could find a way back to him.”

“He’s your little star, just like you both were to your daddy.And like I was to my big bros.”Finn brushed Sean’s messy hair back from his face, his fingers grazing his left eyebrow.Sean remembered with a start he didn’t have his eye patch on and went to cover his face, but Finn pushed it back away.“Don’t hide from me sweetie, cause you are _my_ gem lighting up my life.”

“Cut it out,”Sean protested, but Finn pinned his hand back and kissed him again all over, making Sean laugh as he tried to avoid his slobbery kisses. 

After a few minutes, they quieted back down.Now that it was getting dark, Sean knew they needed to leave before the trail was too hard to follow.Sean’s thoughts must have been transparent to Finn because he reached over and ran his hand through his hair.

“I know you’ve got to be back in Arizona by morning.” Finn said.“Give me an hour.I got a strong flashlight and I know this trail like the back of my hand.My daddy used to love to take road trips out west and this was one of his favorite places.Guess that’s why I come out here with my oldest bro Dean.Takes us back to the few good times from our childhood.” 

Sean realized he hadn’t even asked Finn about his life and how his family was doing.He had been too obsessed with his own problems. 

“Okay, just an hour though.I don’t want to make Daniel and Karen worried.” 

Finn made a contented grunt, slowly running his fingers along Sean’s chest like he was committing every inch to memory.

“Is your dad still back in Montana?” Sean asked.

“From the letter he sent me in that hospital in Redding, he’s still in the same run down piece of shit house.Probably even more run down now that he doesn’t have his sons doing a millon fucking chores while he sits on his lazy ass.”

“He sent you a letter?”Sean treaded carefully.“Was he… worried about your injury?”

“Shit no!”Finn laughed.“He’s nothing like your dad was.Well, he said he hoped I was getting out of there soon and that I could still walk.But it was all because he wanted me to come help him with some new business idea he got.Something about investing in buffalo ranching and how we’d make a million dollars selling steaks to high end restaurants.And how I was his best and smartest son and so industrious and we’d be the perfect team.”

“Sounds too good to be true.”

“Yep.The minute I got in touch with Dean he told me they all got the same letter, one right after the other.He contacted me last.Fucking ‘best son’ bullshit.He doesn’t care about any of us.” 

Finn sat up and wiggled out of the sleeping bag.As Finn put on a long sleeved, brown and checkered shirt, Sean tried not to be dissapointed.It had felt so nice to let himself relax and just let Finn hold him.Like he could carry the weight of all of Sean’s worries and magically lift off of Sean.At least a for a few hours, everything had felt right.Almost...like it was supposed to be this way.

Finn stretched and slowly stood, looking hot but a little silly with just a shirt on and his bare butt pale in the starlight. 

“I feel your artist eyes on me, Señor Diaz.Better not draw me like this.”Finn bent over and pulled something metallic out of his pack.“It’s too chilly out here.Makes things…shrink.”

“No way, I am… too busy enjoying the view.”It was weird to be so honest, and Sean could feel himself blushing.But also it was so freeing to admit out loud that he found Finn completely hot, with or without clothes on. 

Finn worked his corduroy pants back on, Sean helping him get them over his right leg.Then Finn set up a small stove.He connected a propane tank to it and poured water and noodles into a pot that fit exactly over the burner like it was all part of a set.

“That’s new.Did you—”

“Dean lent that to me.” Finn said.“He kinda thinks of me as his wayward charity case. Always trying to make a respectable man out of me.” 

“Well, at least your brothers care about you, and it’s nice that Dean is letting you crash with him—after what happened.” 

Finn took a second to respond, breaking up the hard noodles with a fork and crumbling the shrimp powder into it.The smell brought back those nights in Humboldt, and for once the thought didn’t make Sean feel bitter.

“Dean’s got big plans for me.He wants me to cut my hair and said he’d pay to get my facial tattoos removed.He wants me to finish my GED and enroll in junior college and all that mainstream crap.He thinks I oughta be an engineer or some shit just ‘cause I liked math back in school.Crazy huh?”

“No,” Sean said.“I mean I don’t think you should change your appearance for anyone. But, you’re really smart, Finn.I think you could do whatever you put your mind to.You could have a great life here with a college degree.” 

Finn turned off the heat and handed wooden utensils to Sean.They sat cross legged over the pot, slurping down the noodles, Sean still half covered up in the sleeping bag.While they ate, neither of them talked, making Sean’s thoughts linger on what he’d just said.Despite truly wanting the best for Finn, the reality of their situation hurt like hell.

Why had he been so stupid imagining that Finn would give up all the opportunities in the US to live with him in Mexico?Finn wasn’t a fugitive—he could still go to school and earn real money with all the support of his brothers.He didn’t have to eke out a living in a place where he didn’t even know the language.

“So… this might be the last time we see each other, huh?”Sean said quietly after they finished. 

“What the hell are you talking about, Sean?”Finn looked genuinely surprised.“I meant what I said in my letter.As soon as I’m off my parole I’m going to you in Mexico.Unless you’ve gone and changed your mind about us.But I thought with what we just did together—”

“No, I didn’t at all.”Sean half choked on water from Finn’s canteen. “Seeing you—being with you, _especially_ after what we just did— it makes me want you with me even more badly.But, I don’t want to hold you back.There’s no guarantee of an easy life where I’m going.Even if Dad’s place is still there, I’ll have to find work to support Daniel and me. Probably hard, sweaty work in a factory or in the service industry or maybe even fixing up cars.” 

“You think I am afraid of getting my hands dirty?”Sean shook his head, but the fire in Finn’s eyes didn’t abate.“I ain’t getting some four year degree to work for some giant ass company that wants to fuck up the world with oil drills and shit.I don’t care about money, Sean.I mean, I know it's hard to believe ‘cause of what I said about Costa Rica, and ‘cause I was so damn greedy wanting to steal from Merril.But all of that was for us to build us a life together.I don’t want to accumulate shit.I don’t care about having some fancy car or a big house or any of that capitalistic bullshit idea about to live.”

Sean wanted to believe him so badly, but his logical side was fighting him. 

“But, Sean said,“if you’re on parole for a year or more, you could do something. Learn a trade or something.Knowing what Dad taught me is my backup plan.If I can scrape together the cash, I might open a garage one day.It’s still hard work, but I can keep my own hours and not suck up to another prick like Merril.”

“Damn, I think that’d be something I could be down with. Custom paint jobs for cars.”When Finn saw the confusion on Sean’s face, he elaborated.“I saw a course in the junior college catalog Dean showed me.All about pimping out your ride with custom designs and even interiors.You can even get a certificate to display at your shop.I used to do so much graffiti bumming around on the road.Learning how to make money off it would be cool.” 

Finn squeezed Sean’s wrist, his eyes bright.

“If you open a garage,” Finn continued, “we could offer some custom enhancements in addition to all the standard mechanical work your daddy taught you.You take care of the mechanical work, and I can redo the interiors and do custom paint and body work.And I still remember how to scrap a car, so I can help you switch out parts, too.”His hands went in an arc through the air.“I can see it now.Diaz-McNamara Whole L’Auto Heaven.” 

“Whoa, that might actually work.”The name was ridiculous and wouldn’t work in Spanish.But, Sean couldn’t argue with how creative Finn was when he set his mind to it.And he really liked the idea of both of them working together to build a life for themselves and Daniel.“But, it will be a ways off before I can save enough cash.We’ll be living a hard life for a few years.There’s no way around that, Finn.”

“That’s why you need me, sweetie.As long as the invitation is still open, I’ll come find you as soon as the pigs take this leash off me.You’ve got my email and number now.There’s no excuse.”Finn stepped around the empty camping pot and lifted Sean up by his arms.Sean shivered in the cool, breezy air, feeling exposed in only his boxers.Finn sank his hands around Sean’s backside, squeezing him through his boxers and pulling him into a long kiss.“Besides, someone’s got to keep your skinny butt warm down there.”

“Not fair.”Sean squirmed but didn’t try hard to escape.“You didn’t let me get my clothes on.”

“Oh, that’s my reward for agreeing to taking those college classes.When I get down to Mexico, I expect to wake up to you dressed in nothing else every morning.” Finn’s hand slipped just underneath the seam of Sean’s boxers.“Or, if I have my way, even less.” 

“Well, in that case...”Sean pulled Finn’s hands off him and brought them to his mouth for a kiss.“You better start studying.”

\------------

The hike back to the car was easy, now that Sean’s backpack was patched. 

Finn kept the trail lit with Dean’s powerful flashlight as he told him stories about when he was little and all the places Finn had visited as a kid.When Sean mentioned he was planning a trip to take Daniel camping on the rim of the Grand Canyon, they both agreed it was one of the most beautiful places in the world. 

Fortunately, the trailhead was still empty when they emerged back at their cars.Finn helped Sean load his stuff in Karen’s car and then pulled out a thick manilla envelope from his own pack and handed it over to Sean. 

“I hope this will come in handy.Sometimes, it’s best to hide in plain sight, you know?” 

Sean stared at the envelope, feeling embarrassed that he’d completely forgotten about the main reason he’d come here.The help Finn had promised to get them across the border. 

He carefully worked opened the envelope, and pulled out two beige ID cards.

**B1/B2 VISA / Border Crossing Card**

On each card was a picture of him and Daniel, but with different names and birthdates, which put them close in age to Sean and Daniel.The birth year on Daniel’s card made him a couple years older, around twelve instead of ten.But, Daniel could probably pass for that—he had grown so much this past year. 

Sean noticed something else interesting.Both boys had the same family names— _Echavarria Hernandez_.It was like they were related.And with the small gap in age, Sean couldn’t help but wonder if they were brothers, too. 

In addition to the cards were two small pieces of paper with dates of entry and expiration that stated how long they were allowed in the country.According to the forms, they couldn’t be in the country past July 31st. 

“Finn, is this like travel paperwork for Mexican citizens coming to the US?”

“Yep, and they are completely legit.I made friends with someone on the crew who got his family across this way.They have some woman who works in the embassy swap out the pictures. Jacob sent me a photo he took of you guys with his little sister and I photoshopped it up.”Finn laughed at Sean’s wide eyes.“Just cause I lived in the woods you think I didn’t grow up with computers?Turned out pretty good huh?”

Sean had to agree.But upon closer inspection, he saw that the picture on his ID had been modified so he wasn’t missing his other eye.

“Why did you...ummm, change my look?”

Finn fiddled around in his bag, finally handing Sean a pair of dark sunglasses.

“I thought it would raise too many red flags with two brothers and the oldest one wearing an eye patch.But, if you wear these shades and go to one of the smaller border crossings, then they might just wave you right through.But if not, these two are real people, who are entered into the government database and shit.So if they scan them, you’ll both show up totally legit in their system.”

Sean rubbed the hard plastic between his fingers, detecting a microchip on the back side.They definitely looked authentic.

“And don’t lose those entry forms.Apparently, most people are trying to get _into_ the US, not get out.The border agents will check these to make sure you two didn’t overstay your welcome. They cost a little extra.”

“I hope it didn’t cost a fortune.” 

“Nah, I just dipped into some savings I’d kept from previous trimming seasons.” Finn laughed at the surprised look on Sean’s face.“Dean had me open a bank account so when I got off the road, I’d have something.I put a little money in it the past few years everytime the season was over. Came in handy when the damn pigs took this season’s earnings.”

“I really appreciate this, but…”Sean frowned.“I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.If we use these guys’ identity, will they be questioned when they try to come to the US?”

“Not too likely, since they're dead.”Finn’s face turned somber.“From what I was told, these two used to visit their dad in Phoenix, saving up money for a more permanent visa.But, they got caught up in some shit with the cartels.They were robbed and left for dead in a ditch outside their home town.The money I paid—some if it will go to help their family afford the burial fees.” 

“That’s… horrible.I mean the way they died,”Sean said.“Not all of Mexico is like that, though.Dad never had any stories about gangs in Puerto Lobos.It’s just a small fishing town.”

“I know that Sean.You’re smart.And I sure as hell think you are a thousand times safer in Mexico than in some prison run by racist assholes.”

Sean hugged him, feeling irrationally happy to be validated.But something still nagged him about the IDs.

“But, if they are deceased, won’t the custom’s agents immediately realize we are frauds if we try to use these at the border?”

“They don’t even know the kids are dead.”Finn sighed.“Not ‘til the family pays the burial costs, which apparently includes the fees to fill out their death certificate.There’s a lot of corruption in the local government, so a lot of things just don’t get done unless you have money.That’s good news for you and Daniel though.As long as you cross in the next month, they won’t blink twice.”

Finn put his hand in the envelope and pulled out a license plate with the word _Sonora_ on the top, all in red.

“If you’re driving there, don’t forget this plate either. Swap it out with on the one on your car and read the letter in there before you go.It will give you all the personal facts about these poor guys if customs asks you.”

“Thanks.”Sean was blown away by the amount of effort Finn must have put into getting this together.He must really believe in him to go through all this trouble.“I mean, I wasn’t expecting anything like this.I’ve still been trying to figure out the best way across.”

“I knew you might have your own plans for getting across the border, whether using Daniel’s powers or hiring someone to smuggle you, but this gives you another option.It might just be the safest one.” 

“Thanks, Finn.I mean it.It’s good to have options.It’s scary to start a whole new life like this.I just want me and Daniel to finally be safe.”Sean’s voice cracked, and Finn pulled him into one more tight hug.“What I mean is, thanks for everything.”

Sean retracted his head so he could see Finn’s face.He couldn’t wait any longer to say it because he’d waited too long already.He had been to fucking afraid to say it back at the hospital.

“I… love you, too.” 

“That means everything.I love you, little Sean.Always.” 

Finn kissed him hard, like he couldn’t get enough of how Sean’s lips tasted.And Sean kissed back, both of them squeezing each other through their shirts so tightly that Sean could feel Finn’s nails through the fabric.When he finally pulled off, Finn was fighting tears.

“We best hit the road.I have to be cleaning cigarette butts off the fucking interstate in about six hours.Remember, even when we are apart, you never stop being my gem.You always keep shining in my heart, keeping my blood pumping.”Finn pulled Sean’s hand to his chest.“We are never separated here.”

“Okay.I’m going to miss you so much.But, I’ll try to remember.”Sean reluctantly let go of him and stood there watching as Finn got in his car.As he pulled out, he gave Sean a shit-eating grin. 

“You! Got! This!”

Sean waved until Finn’s lights faded, so hoping Finn was right.He tucked the envelope into his backpack and drove out under the stars.It hurt to see Finn leave again, but he felt lighter and calmer than he had in ages.It wasn’t just that the prospect of seeing Finn in Mexico felt more real now.It was also that the suffocating feeling was gone. 

The anger and pain would come back now and again Sean knew, when his good eye got tired or when he forgot to take his time and take into account his blindspot.

But talking to Finn made him realize that it was okay.Life wasn’t over because he’d lost his eye or because he made stupid mistakes.Or because he’d been angry with people he loved.Finn really wanted to be with him.He had Daniel back and he had people who loved him and supported him.They still had a chance for some type of good life in Mexico.He’d never be completely whole—not the way he was before the accident.But he had a lot to be grateful for.He could learn to live with the pain and learn to forgive himself when he got upset.

As he drove through the empty roads under the bright stars, Sean thought about all the things that might be possible in Mexico.About how Dad had been able to accomplish so much through all the shit he’d endured.

Esteban had left his own home to start a new life, all alone in a foreign country with plenty of bigots like the ones who’d almost beat up Sean.But he had always found happiness, even after Karen left him and he was alone with an infant and an eight year old boy to raise.He worked long hours with two boys that loved each other but often fought like demons and sometimes weren’t even grateful for his efforts.But they were his boys, his _estrellitas_ that brightened up his life and kept him standing. 

And Sean knew Daniel was what kept him standing and fighting when the whole world told him he was shit.Despite everything that had happened, Daniel needed him and even if he didn’t say it much, the little wolf still loved him. 

The thoughts in his mind that Daniel hated him for what happened were poison and he was determined to stop thinking that way.It was time to focus on Mexico, and their future.They had survived so much and they had come through it, together.Soon, they’d be free and they could start building a better life. 

And maybe, that life would include Finn.If he got lucky, he might see all the other people who had made his life better.Sean looked up at the sky full of constellations, thinking about what Finn had said.

Even if Sean couldn’t see every star, they never disappeared from the sky.They were all up there, together in the same universe.And maybe they were all connected, like how Daniel shined for him and he shined for Finn.They all needed each other to brighten their lives, and keep going through the long stretches of dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story grew out my desire to understand how Sean copes with several traumas he experiences over the course of Life is Strange 2. It also stems from my need to understand how both Sean and Daniel can be happy after the ending of the game. After playing the final episodes, I had a lot of questions left unanswered and I needed to resolve those to go forward in my own life. This story, and the stories that will follow, are my attempt to provide those answers.
> 
> I have grown to love Sean and Daniel as part of my family, and hope this story will touch those of you who also love the characters in LiS2 as much as I do. Sean and Daniel both deserve the best lives possible but the path to getting there isn’t always easy.
> 
> I want to give a big shout out to darkjaden825698 and AlariOdonell for being beta readers for this story. Their advice has improved the story tremendously.


	6. What Matters

**June 22** ** nd ** **, 2017**  
**An unincorporated community in Arizona**

It was morning by the time Sean finally pulled into the sleepy community of Away.Except for the sounds of the few birds who made their home in this little oasis, the place was quiet.Everyone must have still been asleep.

Sean turned off the engine and started towards Karen’s, deciding to wait to unload the car until he saw Daniel.He hadn’t gone more than a few steps before he heard the walkie talkie buzzing on the table.

“Silver runner, you’re back from your secret mission!”

“Daniel!Where are you?”Sean talked into the device, looking around but not seeing him anywhere. 

“You have to find me.”

“Dude, I am so tired,”Sean complained as he gave in to Daniel’s game.He walked through Karen’s small garden, his eyes scanning for the little wolf.But, just as he passed the water tower, he felt small hands wrapping around his waist.Daniel buried his face into the back of Sean’s hoodie.

“Well, that was easy.”

“I couldn’t wait after all.I missed you.”

“So did I, superwolf.So much.”They hugged for another second before Daniel pulled off.Daniel’s eyes grew wider as Sean turned around to ruffle up his hair.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.” Daniel shook his head vigorously.“I just missed you.”

Daniel started telling him all the things that him and Karen did together.He also mentioned that Sean had gotten another email from Finn about arriving late.

“Mom said you might not be back until tonight.I’m happy you came back sooner, though.It was starting to get boring around here without you.”

“I told you I wouldn’t be more than a couple of days.I won’t ever leave you, Daniel.”

“I know.”Daniel pulled away and went over to the car, glancing around the windows.“So, what did Finn give you that will help us go to Mexico?” 

“Oh, a _secret identity_.”Sean fished out the envelopes. “You are Manuel Echavarria Hernandez.We’ll call you Manny.” 

“Manny?”Daniel made a face.“These cards are cool, but I don’t like that name.I don’t want anyone changing my name.”

“Relax, _enano_.It’s just to help get us across the border.I don’t know if we’ll end up needing them.But, it’s killer that Finn got these for us, don’t you think?”

Sean tucked the cards back into the envelope.He still wasn’t sure about risking an official check point.But, it was great to have a backup plan.

“Yeah, he definitely earned a superhero name now.Maybe….the Rebel Pirate!” 

“Wait—I thought pirates were the bad guys?”

“Well, they still are, but Finn is like a pirate who feels bad for all the crimes he did.Now he wants to use his powers for good, so he rebelled against them and pledged his allegiance to us instead.”

“Whoa.That’s a pretty cool back story.” Sean was impressed by how apt it was. 

Daniel kicked at a pebble, half looking at Sean.“So you forgive him now for what happened?”

“Of course I do.” Sean sunk down against Karen’s planters.There was no use pretending he hadn’t been mad since it must have been so obvious—to everyone except himself.And denying it had only hurt both of them more.

“But—you _were_ mad before.” Daniel dropped on the ground, hunching his legs together in his small arms.“Sean, I feel so bad every time I think about how I lost control of my powers at the farm.And then I feel even badder that I let Nicolas hurt you.I should have stopped him sooner.”

“Daniel—”

“And I know you are still upset about everything that happened.”Daniel’s voice rose. “Don’t lie because I can tell.Especially since at night you cry in your sleep.”

Daniel wiped tears from his eyes. Sean pulled him close and held him.Instead of doing what he usually did and denying his feelings when Daniel repeated this stuff, he slowly nodded.

“Yeah, you’re right.”Sean held him tighter.“I won’t deny it anymore.I was upset about what happened.It’s true that I was mad at everyone, but mostly at myself. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.It’s just that I don’t like feeling that way and I wanted to protect you.You’ve been through so much, _enano_.”

“Yeah, maybe.”Daniel wiggled out of Sean’s arms, still frowning.“But you need to start being totally honest around me.I know you think I am a kid and you have to protect me, but I can handle it.I’ve learned a lot since that night in the motel.”

“Night in the motel…” Sean tried to remember.

“Seriously?”Daniel groaned loudly.“You gotta know.It was when I found out about Dad and you told me you were going to keep lying to me cause you had to protect me or whatever.”

Sean was stunned.He had almost forgotten about that.That was the first time Sean had seen Daniel freaking out and using his powers. Sean hadn’t known what to do or say to make him feel better.When Daniel had confronted him, he had totally failed him.He hadn’t wanted to make promises he couldn’t keep.So Sean had hedged and said he’d try, but that protecting him was the most important thing.

Maybe that was why it had been so hard to convince Daniel to leave Lisbeth.If he thought that Sean wasn’t willing to be honest with him…Lisbeth had kept telling Daniel that he had to repent and atone for his sins.Maybe, in his scared little mind, he thought Sean was trying to protect him from the truth that he was a sinner or bad person or something.

“Shit, Daniel.I was wrong back then.”Daniel looked to the side, not satisfied.Sean knew he had to do better.“I said that stuff because I was so worried about you having to deal with all the horrible things that were happening to us.I wanted to hide that from you even though it didn’t work, but I know now that I was wrong to lie to you then. And it’s wrong for me to pretend like I am okay now.I’m not, but I am starting to get better.Talking to Finn and having you… and Karen helps so much.”

Daniel’s lips twitched.Sean could detect a hint of a smile.“I won’t keep anything from you ever again, no matter how painful, if that’s what you want.I promise.”

“Thanks Sean.” Daniel looked straight at him.“I want to believe you when you say things— every word.That’s more important than protecting me.”

The sharpness in Daniel’s words cut right through Sean’s heart.He hadn’t trusted Sean all this time.And he had been right not to because Sean had kept saying how everything was fine when it hadn’t been. 

He’d kept telling Daniel that what happened was ancient history, but Daniel smart enough to know that it wasn’t.His denial had only caused Daniel to blame himself more.

“I want you to promise me one thing in return, though,” Sean began.

Daniel looked at him curiously. 

“You promise to forgive yourself, too.For whatever you think you are to blame for.Whenever you start to feel guilty, remember that I love you and no matter what you do, I’ll never stop loving you.Everyone makes mistakes.What matters is we forgive each other and keep going forward together, the way Dad wanted us to.”

Daniel’s eyes widened, but eventually, he nodded.

“Okay, Sean.” The kitchen light flicked on in Karen’s camper.Daniel sat up excitedly.“Oh, mom’s making Chock-o-crisp waffles! Can I go help her make them?She said I could.”

“Sure.” Sean grabbed his hand.“Promise me first.That you’ll forgive yourself.”

Daniel sighed and Sean could feel the tension in his body, but after a moment he gave him a somber nod. 

“Yeah, Sean.I promise, too.”His eyes lit up with a mischievous expression.“We can make a pact in blood and if one of us breaks it, the other has the rights to inherit all the treasure the Rebel Pirate and Captain Spirit and Lyla and us find in Mexico.”

“Okay, Daniel.”Sean couldn’t wait to hear the superwolf tell Finn his new super hero name.He would definitely love it. “But first, let’s get you some breakfast. I think we both could use it.”

Sean followed Daniel towards Karen’s camper.He paused, catching his reflection in the living room window.He had forgotten to put his eye patch back on. 

And for the first time since the accident, he was okay with the face staring back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story grew out my desire to understand how Sean copes with several traumas he experiences over the course of Life is Strange 2. It also stems from my need to understand how both Sean and Daniel can be happy after the ending of the game. After playing the final episodes, I had a lot of questions left unanswered and I needed to resolve those to go forward in my own life. This story, and the stories that will follow, are my attempt to provide those answers.
> 
> I have grown to love Sean and Daniel as part of my family, and hope this story will touch those of you who also love the characters in LiS2 as much as I do. Sean and Daniel both deserve the best lives possible but the path to getting there isn’t always easy.
> 
> I want to give a big shout out to darkjaden825698 and AlariOdonell for being beta readers for this story. Their advice has improved the story tremendously.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read the whole story! I hope you enjoyed it! I will be following up with a sequel to this story in August, which I will link here when its up.


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